I didn't shoot yesterday. I was processing my shoot from Saturday afternoon. Today I'm up and dressed; I've been to the chiropractor and eaten breakfast, and my bed is even made. I only took a few shots, keeping things to a minimum, playing with the self-timer, and keeping most of me out of it.
One thing I am learning with my 365 project: every little bit I do helps - if it's figuring a new lighting situation out, taking risks with composition or poses, or getting myself into position in front of the timer a little faster. Ten seconds goes FAST when you move as slow as I tend to move.
But we still have a self-portrait today. This is me, pretending to read my newest book acquisition.
I'm at Chapter Four in this book about grace. L.L. Barkat's prose is poetic and compelling. Almost too compelling for me at the moment, when the last thing I want to think about is needing the grace that is getting me through the messes I am not strong enough to handle on my own. I'm tuning out the painful things she writes.
Or rather, I am trying to tune them out.
I think receiving grace is sometimes like shooting self-portraits - it requires humility to look into my own brokenness and embrace a God who allows it, who values me in spite of - almost because of - my mess.
The beauty in it is His own. He sees what I was meant to be. Sometimes, when I'm behind the camera catching me in front of the camera, I gain a glimpse.
Slowly, I'm letting go of the me I want to be, letting myself learn to be who I am, even if it's messy, even if who I am requires this hard and humbling grace.
(Image © Informal Moments Photography)